So... bloody... confused...

Well, I am. I don't understand people. To be more specific, it's been strongly hinted to me that a certain male of my acquaintance might have an interest in me. At least... I think it has been hinted. I can't tell. I'm so completely clueless. And, if this person is interested in me, what kind of an interest is it? Interest in a fling, interest in a relationship, I don't know how to tell. I am also interested in this person, but I don't know whether or not to make that known. If I do, will I be seen as desperate and undesireable? And there's always that fear of rejection, if I over-extend myself. Bloody hell, I which I knew what to do. Well, actually, I'm glad I don't, it's kinda nice to have this insecurity and stuff. ^_^ So I guess we'll see.

Valentine's Day

I ask you, is any holiday more malicious? I mean, if you have a significant other, fine, happy, peachy. You buy each other small meaningless gifts and look at each other happily. Joy for you. And then there are those of us who are single. First, there's the people that are just a little bit short of starting a relationship... so Valentine's Day is a wonderful time of 'should I get her something? Will she be completely weirded out and never talk to me again?' And then there are the people that just got out of a relationship, where the holiday can bring up fresh and painful memories (either painful because they won't happen any more, or painful because they happened at all). And then there are those of us who have no recent relationships, and no immediate prospects. For us, it seems like the world is pointing and laughing, saying 'ooooh, look what a loser you are! You can't even find a decent relationship! You're going to die alone and unloved!' (For obvious purposes, I am exaggerating).

Is there a solution? Well, I'd like to wipe the holiday off the face of the calendar, after all, the world would be a better place without that much extra pink, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. My personal solution is to either pretend that Haloween (a much superior holiday) comes twice a year, or just dress in black and be very, very sullen. That last one is more fun than it sounds like, really. So yes, I'm glad that Valentine's day as passed, and I'm safe for another year.

Okay, to be honest, I did get chocolates, but it was for both me and my roommate as a consolation/pity gift. So now I have chocolates to eat when I'm depressed about not having a real person to give me chocolate. I don't even LIKE chocolate....

Strange Growths

So, my wisdom teeth are coming in at a breathtaking (not really) rate. And I'm poor, with no dental coverage. Can you see the potential problems? Currently I have some sort of large squishy lump over one of them... and I do mean squishy. It's a little distubing, really. And it hurts, did I mention that? Not all the time, but if I close my mouth (not as often an occurance as you might think, I even drool in my sleep) then there is an unpleasant crushing sensation. And I'm sure you can imagine what the chewing process entails. Even if I chew on the other side of my mouth, I'm still closing my mouth. In a strange moment of pity, my roommate bought me anesthetic gel, which is quite fun. Yay for numbness!!! ^_^

Obsession

You know, I think we all need and crave something to obsess over, or to fantasize about. For some people it is religion or politics or a significant other (or someone you wish were a significant other). What drives us to need something of this sort to 'fill' our lives with? Are we not okay with simply living? Do we have to have something to live for? I live for me. Everything I do is geared towards making me more comfortable. If I can make other people comfortable while I'm at it, then that's even better. But I still need something to fantasize about. The actual subject changes often, but there's always something. This week, the house I want to build myself someday, next week maybe it will be some attractive guy I see. I guess there isn't really anything wrong with that... just one of those oddities of life. ^_^